Cynicism

So much of life is a waste of time.

It seems like my peers and I wander around our lives. It seems like we lack purpose, like everything is accidental to us. We live on autopilot and pay no attention to the important parts of life, as time slips away.

We get caught up in irrelevant details. Who will be Valedictorian? It doesn’t matter; our dream school has already accepted us. What food will the cafeteria serve today? It doesn’t matter; the food never changes except to become worse. Who will handle the fallout from the Senior page? It doesn’t matter; school ends in five months and nobody cared in the first place. How can I do well on this Physics test? It doesn’t matter; homework and some previous good tests will gently offset it.

I am 90% done with high school, and just now I realize that it all is irrelevant.

I scroll Facebook and see posts about politics. (I’m into politics, just not the supersaturated nonsense that people tend to share). I see status updates from religious friends so consumed with accuracy in doctrine that their siblings in Christ come second. I scroll and scroll and scroll trying my hardest to avoid accidentally liking something, lest I see 45 of that person’s posts in the next week. I ignore dozens of anti-vaccine, anti-gmo, anti-round earth (not kidding), anti-climate change, and generally anti-science posts. I skip over video after video after video from Buzzfeed or other clickbate websites.

What actually matters?  Answering that question is a lot like answering “what should I do with my career?” Especially when younger, there wasn’t a clear answer- just eliminate some things that don’t work. Take a biology class; looks like I’m not going into biology. Take a Spanish class; looks like I’m not going into Spanish. Take a Band class; looks like I’m not going into music.

What actually matters? Not scrolling through Facebook. Not politics. Not recycling old, disproved arguments against climate change. Not trying really hard in class. Not social connections. Not working your way up in the student council world, or leadership development at all for that matter. Not leaving a legacy. Not “maintaining a good reputation”. Not. Not. Not. Not. Not.

What actually matters? I’m not sure- but I know what doesn’t matter.

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